"Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth." George Burns
"Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of a snakebite, and furthermore always carry a small snake." W.C. Fields
"An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do." Dylan Thomas
"Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question." Henry Mon
"Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth." Steve Allen
"Drink wine and have the gout; drink none and have the gout." Thomas Cogan 1588, English Medical Writer
"Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony." Robert Benchley
"Work is the curse of the drinking class." Oscar Wilde
"You can't drown yourself in drink. I've tried, you float." John Barrymore